I want to hate you, mayonnaise, really I do. You are pure fat. Sometimes when I see you in a gallon jar, or worse, a five-gallon bucket, it makes me a little sick. But then you show up on a BLT and you're quite tasty. But on a turkey sandwich, yeah, you're pretty gross. Corned beef, yeah, you're pretty disgusting on a corned beef sandwich too. But if you add a little horseradish to yourself, wow, you're pretty tasty on a roast beef sandwich.
How is it possible to hate you, mayonnaise, when you are the binding in potato salad, tuna salad and chicken salad. You try to disguise yourself as remoulade and tartar sauce and let me say you've done a nice job with your costume. Remoulade is practically required with crab cakes and fish and chips with OUT tartar sauce, that would be blasphemy. Even aioli, a close cousin of yours, is delicious on paninis and French fries. You're even pretty tasty on French fries all by yourself. But let's be honest, remoulade and aioli are just you, mayonnaise, dressed up for the Prom.
Sure, you clog arteries, probably cause heart disease, certainly add to the obesity epidemic, and to that I'm sure you say loudly, "EAT ME IN MODERATION! And please, don't put me on a salami sandwich, that's what mustard is for."